Mending the Weeds.

A few years ago, I decided that I wanted to make an "escape to nature" in my backyard.

Pinterest became my research ground.

I pinned a lot of ideas from others of what I wanted to create. I read several blog posts that explained what others did and experienced as they too created their own space in their backyards.

I gathered all the knowledge that I could, so that I could make the best decision for myself and my backyard.

I didn't want to mess with the slow "cardboard method" of killing the grass. I wanted to upheave the grass and eradicate the weeds so that I would never have to worry about the weeds invading my space.

I spent weeks shoveling the grass, pulling up rocks, wiping the sweat off my brow, bandaging blisters, cursing out loud, and doubting my choices.

Rather it was grit, downright stubbornness, or a mixture of both, I finally had removed all of the grass and weeds so that rich soil was the only thing that was exposed.

I was proud of myself.

Proud of my hard work. Proud of my determination. Proud of my capabilities.

To ensure no weeds ever surfaced again, I placed a layer of weed blocker on the exposed soil. I didn't want to experience the pain or frustration of pulling the weeds again. I had done the hard grueling work. I wanted to move on and enjoy the space that I had meticulously created.

As I placed the last layers of pebble, the Adirondacks, the fire pit, adorning flowers around the edge of this "escape to nature", I was pleased.

I could breathe. I could relax. I could rest.

I could listen to the fire crackling and watch the shadows dance around my backyard in perfect harmony.

Never once did I think about the weeds.

Not until about a year later, when they began to pop through the layers of hard work.

The very sight of the weeds infuriated me. I doubted my abilities and questioned the whole damn process. There were days that I wanted to go outside to enjoy a fire, but I didn't want to look at the weeds. Instead, I turned the other way and stayed indoors.

All of which left me with an abundance of weeds.

It wasn't until I focused on the weeds (and put my ego aside) that I got to experience the real beauty of this entire process.

I have learned that I have the right tools to remove the weeds. I know the process that works for me of ways to pull them. I have learned that tending to my space is not a "one-and-done" thing. It is an iterative process that I get to experience, to learn, and grow over and over again.

I have learned that the goal of process is not to eradicate it all so that I can live freely.

It's quite the opposite.

I have learned (and continue to learn) how to live freely while mending the weeds.